Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling by Edgar H. Schein:
• In this best-selling book, Edgar H. Schein examines the importance of inquiry in communication and relationships and explores how humble inquiry helps create a climate of trust while fostering an atmosphere of understanding and mutual respect.
• He shows how integrating the concept of humble inquiry into the workplace, the home, and relationships can help prevent misunderstandings and ineffective communication.
• His detailed case studies from around the world highlight the profound impact of humble inquiry and give examples of how different people use it in different situations.
• He also provides helpful tools and techniques for transforming communication patterns and personal relationships for the better.
As a UX Designer, Humble Inquiry can provide a useful framework for understanding how communication works and how to create a trusting environment in which people can work together or in their personal relationships. In addition, other books about communication, relationships, and creating a safe workplace environment such as Martin Buber's I and Thou, Fred Kofman's Conscious Business, and Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence may be of interest to you.
🎀 Highlights
It’s Monday morning, and your boss calls you in and says, “I’ve noticed that your work is poor, and I think that you’re approaching the problem incorrectly…” Put on the spot like this, how do you think you would feel? Probably pretty disheartened and downcast, right? What’s more, rather than trying to improve your work, you might start resenting your boss. Now imagine a different approach. Your boss says “How’s it going with your work? Would you change anything?” With this subtle shift, you look at the situation differently, and feel engaged instead of put down.
them. Think about it: would you feel comfortable walking up to your boss and telling him the company strategy was full of holes?
Think about it: would you feel comfortable walking up to your boss and telling him the company strategy was full of holes?
Ken Olsen, the founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, liked to wander around the company offices and occasionally stop at an engineer’s desk to ask, “What are you working on?”
This simple question, a model of humble inquiry, would lead to a conversation that was pleasing both personally and professionally. Not only did these questions help Olsen get to know his employees, but also he knew exactly what each of his engineers was doing. It was this inquisitive yet humble style that earned Olsen the respect of his 100,000 employees.
Diagnostic inquiry helps you learn more about a specific point by asking questions that are directly relevant to the point.
Diagnostic inquiry should also be humble in the sense that the person you are questioning doesn’t feel offended by your queries,
if you’re with a friend who is talking about how he’s recently changed jobs, you could ask diagnostic questions such as: What made you decide to make a move? What could have caused this? Why did it make you feel that way?
Sometimes, you’ll notice that a conversation has become derailed in a way that suggests that your conversation partner is uncomfortable. In these cases, you might need to probe for more information about how your partner feels about the conversation itself. For example, you can ask her things like: “Are we still OK?”, “Have I offended you?”, “Is this conversation moving in the right direction?” or “Am I being too personal?”
Have you ever asked a coworker for help with a project, only to have them to reply bluntly: “No. Can’t you see I’m busy with my own work?!” Harsh answers like these often make us feel deflated and unhappy. Unfortunately, this attitude is deeply ingrained in today’s task accomplishment culture, and it can have dire consequences for your business.
Those people who are the best at going through the list and accomplishing all their tasks are usually the ones rewarded with a promotion.
This approach is known as do-and-tell, and it fosters a culture where those at the top disrespect those who are subordinate to them. Â Not only is this disrespect unwarranted, it also poses an immediate barrier to good communication within a team.
asking questions is viewed as a sign of weakness and incompetence. A manager who asks
For starters, do-and-tell favors telling over asking – so much so, in fact, that asking questions is viewed as a sign of weakness and incompetence. A manager who asks his employees “What can we do here?” is viewed as someone who doesn’t know enough about his job to earn his job title.
when the author asked management students what it means being promoted to manager, they answered, “It means I can now tell others what to do.”
Our obsession with status or social rank gets in the way of humble inquiries.
Rank plays an all too important role in business and culture today.
This obsession with status and rank merely places unnecessary barriers between people, and prevents fruitful relationships.
the author was at a meeting when some undergraduates approached him and asked to have their picture taken with him.
His automatic assumption was that, as a professor, he had a higher status than they did, and that he should just act flattered and pose with a big smile.
In contrast, when he was later introduced to a Nobel Prize-winning physicist (who the author felt had a higher status than he did), he was overcome with awe and so his demeanor changed: he became more respectful and made more humble inquiries.
we’re a lot less likely to make humble inquiries if we believe that we have a higher status than others.
humility only to those who we feel have control over us in
In do-and-tell organizations, we naturally demonstrate humility only to those who we feel have control over us in some way. In contrast,
If you’re buying a suit at a store, for example, the sales associate will likely be very respectful toward you – perhaps even too respectful! It’s unlikely, however, that you, as the customer, will demonstrate the same degree of respect. Yet when you’re having your suit tailored, you’re much more likely to respect the directions of your tailor, because he is in control.
We naturally don’t like criticism. As a result, most of us make a concerted effort to hide our feelings.
One of the author’s students was studying for an important exam in his basement. He heard his six-year-old daughter knock at the door, despite having already told her not to interrupt him. Angry, he shouted for her to go upstairs, causing her to run off crying. The next day his wife told him that she had sent their daughter to the basement to say goodnight and to ask him if he wanted any coffee to help him study.
If the student had simply adopted some humility and asked his daughter what she needed, he could have avoided becoming angry and scaring her! Let this be a lesson: always make sure you know what’s going on before rushing to judgment.
Secrets of Dynamic Communication explains how to prepare and present a speech effectively. Through the author’s own SCORRE-method, we are guided through the six key components of a successful speech: subject, central theme, objective, rationale, resources and evaluation.
It’s Monday morning, and your boss calls you in and says, “I’ve noticed that your work is poor, and I think that you’re approaching the problem incorrectly…” Put on the spot like this, how do you think you would feel? Probably pretty disheartened and downcast, right? What’s more, rather than trying to improve your work, you might start resenting your boss. Now imagine a different approach. Your boss says “How’s it going with your work? Would you change anything?” With this subtle shift, you look at the situation differently, and feel engaged instead of put down.
them. Think about it: would you feel comfortable walking up to your boss and telling him the company strategy was full of holes?
Think about it: would you feel comfortable walking up to your boss and telling him the company strategy was full of holes?
Ken Olsen, the founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, liked to wander around the company offices and occasionally stop at an engineer’s desk to ask, “What are you working on?”
This simple question, a model of humble inquiry, would lead to a conversation that was pleasing both personally and professionally. Not only did these questions help Olsen get to know his employees, but also he knew exactly what each of his engineers was doing. It was this inquisitive yet humble style that earned Olsen the respect of his 100,000 employees.
Diagnostic inquiry helps you learn more about a specific point by asking questions that are directly relevant to the point.
Diagnostic inquiry should also be humble in the sense that the person you are questioning doesn’t feel offended by your queries,
if you’re with a friend who is talking about how he’s recently changed jobs, you could ask diagnostic questions such as: What made you decide to make a move? What could have caused this? Why did it make you feel that way?
Sometimes, you’ll notice that a conversation has become derailed in a way that suggests that your conversation partner is uncomfortable. In these cases, you might need to probe for more information about how your partner feels about the conversation itself. For example, you can ask her things like: “Are we still OK?”, “Have I offended you?”, “Is this conversation moving in the right direction?” or “Am I being too personal?”
Have you ever asked a coworker for help with a project, only to have them to reply bluntly: “No. Can’t you see I’m busy with my own work?!” Harsh answers like these often make us feel deflated and unhappy. Unfortunately, this attitude is deeply ingrained in today’s task accomplishment culture, and it can have dire consequences for your business.
Those people who are the best at going through the list and accomplishing all their tasks are usually the ones rewarded with a promotion.
This approach is known as do-and-tell, and it fosters a culture where those at the top disrespect those who are subordinate to them. Â Not only is this disrespect unwarranted, it also poses an immediate barrier to good communication within a team.
asking questions is viewed as a sign of weakness and incompetence. A manager who asks
For starters, do-and-tell favors telling over asking – so much so, in fact, that asking questions is viewed as a sign of weakness and incompetence. A manager who asks his employees “What can we do here?” is viewed as someone who doesn’t know enough about his job to earn his job title.
when the author asked management students what it means being promoted to manager, they answered, “It means I can now tell others what to do.”
Our obsession with status or social rank gets in the way of humble inquiries.
Rank plays an all too important role in business and culture today.
This obsession with status and rank merely places unnecessary barriers between people, and prevents fruitful relationships.
the author was at a meeting when some undergraduates approached him and asked to have their picture taken with him.
His automatic assumption was that, as a professor, he had a higher status than they did, and that he should just act flattered and pose with a big smile.
In contrast, when he was later introduced to a Nobel Prize-winning physicist (who the author felt had a higher status than he did), he was overcome with awe and so his demeanor changed: he became more respectful and made more humble inquiries.
we’re a lot less likely to make humble inquiries if we believe that we have a higher status than others.
humility only to those who we feel have control over us in
In do-and-tell organizations, we naturally demonstrate humility only to those who we feel have control over us in some way. In contrast,
If you’re buying a suit at a store, for example, the sales associate will likely be very respectful toward you – perhaps even too respectful! It’s unlikely, however, that you, as the customer, will demonstrate the same degree of respect. Yet when you’re having your suit tailored, you’re much more likely to respect the directions of your tailor, because he is in control.
We naturally don’t like criticism. As a result, most of us make a concerted effort to hide our feelings.
One of the author’s students was studying for an important exam in his basement. He heard his six-year-old daughter knock at the door, despite having already told her not to interrupt him. Angry, he shouted for her to go upstairs, causing her to run off crying. The next day his wife told him that she had sent their daughter to the basement to say goodnight and to ask him if he wanted any coffee to help him study.
If the student had simply adopted some humility and asked his daughter what she needed, he could have avoided becoming angry and scaring her! Let this be a lesson: always make sure you know what’s going on before rushing to judgment.
Secrets of Dynamic Communication explains how to prepare and present a speech effectively. Through the author’s own SCORRE-method, we are guided through the six key components of a successful speech: subject, central theme, objective, rationale, resources and evaluation.
